Fighting a Losing Battle

I faced a battle every year on Mother’s Day – feelings of inadequacy and failure that came from piercing words spoken to me years ago.

One year however, those feelings started the week before Mother’s Day. I felt such a cloud of darkness hovering over me and by mid-week I was crying uncontrollably.

No one knew what I was going through. I was suffering in silence. I prayed and told the Lord that I didn’t want to go through this again and I asked Him to show me what was causing the battle year after year.

I finally broke down and shared my struggles with a dear friend. During my conversation with her, she encouraged me to read the book of Joshua.

It was through studying the chapters of Joshua that the Lord showed me the source of the battle that I lost every year for 16 years. But this time, I was going to win the battle once and for all!

Here’s what I learned from the book of Joshua:

Joshua 1: God commissions us and He commands us to be strong and courageous.

Joshua 2: The enemy hears what the Lord has done for us and will be very afraid!

Joshua 3: The Lord does wonders and victory is coming. He will let everyone know that He is with you and He will drive out all your enemies.

Joshua 4: The testimonies of God’s mighty acts are for a memorial to future generations.

Joshua 5: “Circumcise” anything out of your heart that does not belong.

Joshua 6: The Lord gives directions on how to take victory over the enemy but also commands to not take the accursed thing.

Joshua 7: Defeated because of sin in the camp. God revealed why the battle was lost – because of my sin, not because of anything God did or didn’t do.

God brought back the memory of the place I was on the day my motherhood was brought under attack. It was Mother’s Day, and some of the mothers at church were asked to share a few words.

It was from the pulpit that I spoke the words that someone else had spoken over me. It wasn’t that person’s words that started the battle – it was my very own words.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue Proverbs 18:21

Back to Joshua 7…God cannot give victory until the accursed thing is destroyed.

Now that I knew the source of the “accursed” thing, I laid it before the Lord, I asked the Him for forgiveness and I forgave the person who told me those hurtful things.

Joshua 8: A Chance to Fight the Same Battle and Win! Build an altar unto the Lord and worship Him for the victory He’s given.

God gave me another chance to fight, but this time would be different because He was going to give me the victory. I fought the same battle and because of Him, I won!

Mother’s Day that year was the most beautiful day I ever had as a mother. The gifts, flowers and cards were all wonderful, but it was God’s sweet presence at church that made the day extraordinary.

But there was one more thing I needed to do.

I publicly spoke negatively about myself so I needed to renounce those words by publicly speaking positive words. And what better way to do that than to speak God’s Word?

The Lord led me to share this testimony with my sisters in Christ and to join together with them to speak aloud the following scriptures:

And all my children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of my children. Isaiah 54:13

No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against me in judgment I shall condemn. Isaiah 54:17

Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. I John 4:4

Praise God for the victory!

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